<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>My Boy Is Miles Away by Asphault</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28118331">My Boy Is Miles Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asphault/pseuds/Asphault'>Asphault</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dream Team (and friends) Drabbles [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:35:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28118331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asphault/pseuds/Asphault</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you fall in love. <br/>And sometimes the person you love disappears.<br/>And sometimes the person you love misses you more than you could ever know.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Karl Jacobs/Sapnap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dream Team (and friends) Drabbles [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>some stuff that im currently reading</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Closer Than We'll Ever Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In this chapter, yours truly establishes the story! </p><p>Also, only a small percentage of people who read this work are actually subscribed. So if you're not subscribed and you end up liking this chapter, consider subscribing. It's free, and you can always change your mind.<br/>Enjoy the chapter!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Karl found Nick at the ripe age of 8; pouting out the window as their car trails behind a moving truck. Despite the urban surroundings, Karl remains convinced that they're leaving the beautiful sandy beaches in California for some stupid, dusty, tumble weed of a town deep in Texas. Karl's usually a chipper kid, but uprooting his whole life for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Texas </span>
  </em>
  <span>is more than upsetting. Corry, his sister, disagrees. She thinks it’s exciting that they get to see something new, be a part of it. The start of the drive had the both of them arguing back and forth, up until she started dozing off against the window. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even as the cherry red Ford pulls into the driveway of a nice, two story home, Karl is frowning. He's frowning as he climbs out of the vehicle and tries to slam the car door, carrying his pillow with him dutifully up the walkway; he has a plan to find whatever room is his and lie on the ground sulking all day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another little boy destroys those plans, trotting up to Karl before he can reach the front door, wearing the brightest smile, "Hi! Are you my new neighbor? Can I help you bring in your stuff!? My name's Nick!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl is downright baffled at the sound of the kid's voice, because it is very obviously not the wild wild west cowboy voice he was expecting. It’s… Normal. Everything about the other boy is normal, from his fluffy brown hair to that toothy grin. He doesn’t have a weirdo cowboy hat on, or even one of those scarf things they put over their mouth in the movies. Nick is jarringly normal, and that’s all it takes for the somber feeling in his chest to lighten, even the slightest bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl’s mother places a gentle hand on her son’s shoulder, smiling politely at the shorter boy, "Nice to meetcha, Nick. You can call me Ms.Jacobs, this here is Karl." she says, giving his shoulder a squeeze and a bit of a shake, as if to prompt him into joining the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stiffly, Karl waves, pout leaving his lips as he spots Nick's graphic charizard shirt, "Hi. I like your shirt! I have a pokemon shirt too, it's in a box though. Ooh! I can show you my cards once I get them out, hold on!" he begins rambling, attempting to skitter off and root through his belongings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hand clasping his shoulder stops him from running up to the moving truck, and Karl frowns up at his mother. Instinctually she knows he’s giving her a look, but she’s focused on meeting Nick's beaming brown eyes with a welcoming expression, "Why don't you go get your mom, Nick, then we can talk about you helping us unpack."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes ma'am!" The boy chirped, saluting to both Karl and his mother before darting off, back to the blue house next door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl waits with his mom outside, bouncing on his heels at the idea of showing Nick all the stuff he’d been able to bring with. Texas won’t be so bad with a friend - especially if that friend likes pokemon too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nick is three years younger than Karl is, but that doesn’t mean much to them. It starts to mean a lot when Karl graduates the 5th grade - leaving Nick behind. It’s heart wrenching to find out that they wont be able to walk to school together anymore. So Karl devises a plan. He wakes up far earlier than he needs to on the first day of 6th grade, heaving his heavy pikachu backpack over a shoulder and cramming a piece of toast into his mouth as he heads out the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nick’s mother loves Karl, so when he turns up at their door, all ready for school at 7:00 am, she lets him come in and do the honors of waking Nick up. Usually she has to fight tooth and nail to get the boy awake, but with Karl, he’s up instantly, arms wrapped tightly around his best friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karl!” He cheers, pressing his face into the taller boy’s shoulder, “Why’d you wake me up today?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got a plan, Nicky. I’m gonna walk you to school. Get ready okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nick is usually the leader between them, calling the shots and deciding what adventures they’d go on. But he always listens to Karl - because they’re best friends. So he strips off the fleece pajamas he’d slept in and dresses in the outfit he and his mom had picked out the night before. A bowl of cereal later and the boys are out the door, walking side by side in the brisk morning. This plan means that Nick will have to wait outside the school for a bit longer than normal, and doing so without Karl by his side sounds boring, but he’d rather this than not see him at all. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>They manage through the struggles of an age difference relatively well, problem solving as the issues arise. When Nick finally makes it to middle school and Karl is moving into his freshman year, Karl skips the last ten minutes of American history to jog over to the middle school so they can eat lunch together. When Karl gets teased for hanging out with a middle schooler, Nick dumps a can of cherry cola over a girl’s head. Not the most peaceful solution, but a solution nonetheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At first freshman year feels like a breath of fresh air for Nick. They don’t have to find complicated work arounds to all their problems now that they’re finally in the same school again. They walk to school together (since Karl doesn’t have his license), eat lunch together, and were even blessed with a study hall period during the same hour. Nick even chooses to stick around for that hour after school, watching his best friend dominate the debate club like no other. It’s to be expected of the captain of the team, but to someone as inexperienced as Nick, it’s impressive. He thinks everything Karl does is impressive at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this point it’s hard to deny the way he’s so enthralled with Karl - even now, just watching his friend calmly and clearly refute the opposing girl’s point, Nick can’t help but think about how Karl looks under the fluorescent lights. They’re notoriously unflattering, pointing out the redness of his acne and the bags under his eyes, left over from studying for a term paper. But nonetheless, Nick thinks he looks fantastic, even as he trips over a word and blushes pink under those offensive lights.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Especially as he blushes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nick has to wrestle with a sexual awakening as their friendship grows awkward. He really doesn’t want to mess up their friendship, but late night talks suddenly feel much more intimate, friendly snuggles feel… more than friendly. His heart is screaming for Karl in ways he’s not used to, and it’s hard to let things be normal. Nothing seems more appealing than just riding out the only year of high school that they have together, but of course his heart wants to go and complicate things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nicky?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh - uh sorry, what was that? I spaced out…” Nick says, looking noncommittally at the ground as his cheeks grow warm. Karl smiles softer than his usual grin, nudging his shoulder into Nick’s as they walk along the icy sidewalk. Their breath comes out in plumes and subconsciously Karl pulls his jacket closer around himself. Winters always affect him more than they do Nick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to tell you… I applied to UCLA yesterday. If i get accepted I’m going to have to move back to California.” Karl explains as carefully as possible, scanning his friend’s face for a reaction. Nick stops on the sidewalk, eyes flitting to meet Karl’s glossy blue eyes. The cold always makes his eyes water, but Nick’s weak heart wants it to be because the idea of leaving him behind is that unbearable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you serious?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence tells him that Karl is being </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you apply somewhere closer?!” Nick exclaims, voice cracking with the hurt playing blatantly on his features. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl puts a gloved hand on the other boy’s shoulder, meeting his eyes, “I will, I will! Once I hear back from UCLA… Nick, I really want to go to their theater program. It’s important to me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nick wants to be upset. He really does. He wants to scream and cry and ask Karl to stay, but he knows that isn’t fair. So instead he throws his arms around his best friend’s body and sobs softly into his shoulder. In the middle of the sidewalk, Karl pets a hand through Nick’s unruly hair and holds him close. “Don’t worry, Nick. I’m always going to be your best friend, no matter how far away I am.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nick holds that close to his heart come April when the acceptance letter arrives.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Every Now And Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In this chapter: Angst. AND QUACKITY!</p>
<p>Also, only a small percentage of people who read this work are actually subscribed. So if you're not subscribed and you end up liking this chapter, consider subscribing. It's free, and you can always change your mind.<br/>Enjoy the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Karl is no stranger to college parties, not at this point anyway. The scent of sweat and bad decisions is heavy in the air, and the thumping bass relaxes Karl’s tense body until there’s no more inhibition left. People are everywhere and the push and pull of bodies against his own is a therapy like no other. There’s no alcohol in his veins, no cannabis fogging up his mind, but the atmosphere is enough to melt away the anxiety from finals and the ache of missing home that sits heavy on Karl’s shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Effortlessly maneuvering through the sea of dancing people, Karl feels weightless and carefree, eyes searching for someone he knows - someone to dance with and laugh with and melt away with. When he catches a glimpse of an unmistakable Puma hat in the thick of the crowd, Karl manages to push through with loud ‘sorries’ shouted to each person he passes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex is always wearing a beanie of some kind, whether it’s the middle of the hot California summer or a sweaty party like the one they’re currently occupying. They met at the start of the year in an improv workshop and have been close ever since; so When Karl spots him, he immediately makes his way over.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Big Q!” Karl shouts, hand clasping Alex’s shoulder as he shifts to see the other man’s face. The weightless world is grounded when he sees those dark eyes trained intently in front of them, jaw set in a tense scowl as pin pricks of tears threaten to spill down the subtle curve of cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah, dude are you okay?” he asks, following Alex’s line of sight. It’s painfully clear that ,no, Alex is not anywhere near okay. The brunette girl he’d been dating for the past two months (Brooke? Bailey? Something that starts with a B. Karl can’t be bothered right now) is placed squarely on the lap of a bulky guy, their lips attached in a desperate fit of passion as their bodies move against one another. “Oh shit.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex quickly drags a hand over his wet eyes, finally allowing his gaze to break away from the offending sight. Karl’s hand on his shoulder stops the shorter man from walking away, but only just barely. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s get out of here, dude.” Karl suggests, hand sliding down to catch his friend’s wrist. Alex allows himself to be dragged into the clean, cool air outside. When they’re finally out of the intense atmosphere of the party, Karl notices that the somber look on Alex’s features is all too familiar. It screams of the first week Karl had begun ignoring Nick’s texts and calls. Guilt. Regret. Abandonment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you gonna be alright?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The answer is obviously still no. That’s why they drive to Walmart in Alex’s beat down pickup, and Karl, with a troubled conscience, buys the two of them a six-pack of cheap beer to share. Part of him doesn’t want to encourage underage drinking - the other part of him knows that Alex is safer drinking watered down beer with Karl than whatever spiked bullshit people had been drinking back in that frat house. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex drives them to the empty parking lot of a long since unoccupied BlockBuster,  resting his head on the steering wheel with a heavy sigh. Karl throws open the passenger side door, climbs out, and makes his way to the driver side door, tugging on his friend’s arm with the soft, childlike smile he never quite grew out of. It’s comforting in a nostalgic kind of way, so when he pleads softly for Alex to join him in the fresh air, Alex has no room to argue. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pops the tailgate and the two of them clamber into the back of the truck, Karl cracking open two of the steadily sweating drinks as Alex puts on a playlist of acoustic guitar music in the background. Karl doesn’t pay much attention to the lyrics as he takes a sip off one of the bottles and hands Alex the other, carefully eyeing his friend and attempting to read the situation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lucky Alex spills it out before him without any real prompt, simply a swig of beer, “I didn’t love her or anything. She was kind of a bitch honestly,” He laughs, strained and dripping with hurt, “but I liked her, and I kinda thought we cared about each other enough to… I don’t know, call it off when it wasn’t working.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wincing at the familiarity of the situation, Karl takes a deeper drink of the poor tasting alcohol in his hand, “Maybe she didn’t know it wasn’t working.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dully, his blue eyes float to the starless sky, smoked out by the los angeles city lights. He remembers abandoning Nick like that. It wasn’t because he didn’t love him - Karl loves Nick more than he could ever put into words. It was the weighty reality of college life sinking down on him like an approaching storm, coursework actively destroying Karl’s drive to respond to texts and calls, and the guilt of having put space between them only distancing them further. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’d been nearly two years since Karl fell off the face of Nick’s world. They managed to stay in touch until midway through Karl’s sophomore year, when school really began to tear into him. Then their conversations faded into radio silence on his end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every now and again a text from Nick still comes through, </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Happy birthday, man. Looking forward to seeing you next.’ </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Merry Christmas. My folks miss having you around, visit soon.’ </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Is this still your number? Your parents didn’t tell me it changed or anything.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Had a rough day today. I miss talking to you when i have bad days.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘My mom said you probably don't have time for me anymore. I guess that makes sense. If you’re ever bored, hmu.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘The record shop we used to go to closed. I’m starting to think everything i have of you is disappearing. Did you get cursed or something? Did i get cursed?’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Your folks said you’re still in touch with them and doing well. I hope UCLA is everything you hoped it’d be. Was it worth leaving me behind?’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Im dirunk and i ahte you. I haye stuped uclaa for taking you away’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Come home’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I bet you just left to get awau from me because im the worst’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Sorry about that. Had another rough one.’ </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Happy 22nd. Hope it’s a good one. I love you.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You look like you’re thinking.” Alex laughs breathily, breaking the train of thought with a soft, curious look. Karl takes a deep drink before setting the bottle down and laying with his back against the cool metal of the tailgate. His head hangs off the edge. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I had a friend back home, kinda.. Broke up with him in a weird way. I didn’t want to. I still really miss him. But it just kind of happened… because my life got messy and I didn’t leave any room for him. “ meeting Alex’s deep brown eyes tells Karl that he knows what he’s getting at.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The noirette hums thoughtfully and finishes off his drink before prying open a second one. Karl watches the motions thoughtlessly, guilt clawing at him, “I mean- cheating is shitty. Really really shitty. And I’m sorry that happened to you. I just mean.. There’s gotta be a reason why things weren’t going as well as you thought, right?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right..” Alex sighs, eyes looking around their surroundings. The weight of the sigh seems to have done enough for the time being, because before karl knows it, the other man is smiling mischievously and pouring a drink of his beer down on Karl’s crotch. It’s way too cold for any kind of comfort and he arches up off the truck bed with a squeal. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What the fuck, man?!” Karl screeches, unable to find himself mad as Alex breaks into his familiar barking laughter. Looking down at himself, Karl begins to laugh along with him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk to your friend, dipshit,” Alex says as they come down from the high of laughter with good company, “He probably misses you too, and I bet if you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk, </span>
  </em>
  <span>things’ll be fine. At least you didn’t stab him in the back like Justine did to me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, that cunt’s name is Justine?” Karl borderline caws in disbelief, eyes widening comically, “I thought her name was Bailey! Maybe because it’s closer to bitch?” He wonders aloud, genuinely amazed by the revelation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex apparently finds it hilarious, (whether it’s because Karl is that stupid or because of low alcohol tolerance is irrelevant) because he’s barking out another squealing laugh, unintentionally spilling more of his drink down Karl’s front.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh fuck that’s cold, stop!” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>why do i always break quack's heart ;-; </p>
<p>ALWAYS BE PLUGGING <br/>Twitter (writing): Bunny_bons<br/>Instagram (art): Bunny_bons</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Connection Without Borders</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It wont leave Karl’s brain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘He probably misses you too, and I bet if you just talk, things’ll be fine.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those words are on repeat, a scratched up record haunting every second of Karl’s waking life. He’s written out a useless slew of ‘Hey, sorry we havent spoken in a while’ apologies and deleted every single one. Nothing feels like enough to make up for how hurt Nick must be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slamming his cellphone into the desk in front of him, Karl groans in defeat and scrubs hands over his face. Guilt coils around his spine, squeezing until he feels paralyzed, doomed to sleep in the bed he’s made. Karl wants to do something to do something, anything, to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He needs to try, but Nick deserves the world; and all Karl has to offer is an apology.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Balling his hands into fists against his eyes, Karl feels tears threatening to spill as those painful feelings try to climb into his throat. The only reprieve Karl can find is the memory of the promises he’d made. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘No matter what this says, Nick, I’m always gonna be by your side.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snapping the tension holding him captive, Karl snatches his phone up and presses send on the last drafted message, clutching the phone to his chest as the anxiety swells up enough to fill his ribcage. It’s cataclysmic the way the sound of a thundering heartbeat fills Karl’s ears, and the shaking takes over his limbs. A shaky sigh tears from his mouth as he stands, marching out of his rented space and into the cool night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air isn’t very fresh, but it’s less suffocating than the raw honesty that his house seems to radiate. It sings of loneliness and something that’s a touch harder to place. Something like the feeling of spotting a fresh stump where a tree once stood. Something unspoken and dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl slowly lowers himself into the grass in his yard, feeling the late night dew seep through his sweater and jeans as he looks out into the starless sky. He’s still clutching his phone to his chest as the anxiety begins to fade, a lingering sense of loss taking its place. Maybe in a perfect world, Nick would be looking up at the night sky as well, and their pale eyes would lock on a single star. A connection that surpasses borders and exists without need for communication. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately the city sky is a greyish void, reflecting down on Karl in a needless reminder that he’d left all his stars back home with his favourite person in the world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At least he knew that Nick would take good care of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unlike Karl, Nick would take care of the whole sky, sun, moon, and all the stars if he was asked. Karl can’t even manage to send a text every few days. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sunlight is what wakes Karl, completely unfiltered as it beams down on his face. He feels himself scrunch up his nose as he sits up, reaching for the curtains to draw them closed. Confusion sparks his eyes open when the curtains are nowhere to be found. He’s met with the slowly awakening world, a car driving down the street, a squirrel digging in his neighbor’s trash. Karl’s clothes are wet with morning condensation and his eyes are uncharacteristically irritated. His phone is still clutched tight in his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking the embarrassment from his bones, Karl stands and tries his best to will some heat into his bones. He’s not sure how he managed to sleep through a frigid September night, but he’s not interested in spending another second outside. His neighbors probably thought he was drunk or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Making his way back indoors, Karl glances at the clock, grunting in displeasure. It’s far too early for any sensible person to want to be awake. On the way to the bathroom, he deposits his dead, useless phone on the couch and takes in his appearance. Eyes red and puffy, hair littered with blades of grass and mussed from the nighttime breeze, dried tear tracks staining his cheeks. Karl can already feel himself sniffling as he notices the redness of his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nothing a hot shower won't fix.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl thinks to himself, but he knows that no amount of warm rushing water will wash away the way he cried last night, staring into an endless pit of emotions and aching for someone that he doesn’t deserve a second chance with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He does his best to look put together for his classes, but there’s a lingering tiredness ebbing away at the facade Karl tries to create with a well styled outfit and signature smile. Going about a college day without his phone feels weird, but oddly freeing in a way. He’d had to leave it behind to charge, but without the constant distraction, Karl finds himself far more productive in his lectures. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Lectures that you chose over him.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>a poisonous, chiding voice sings from the back of Karl’s head as he walks to the next class. He feels that same lethargic, helplessness from last night begin to seep into his bones, draining the productive glow from Karl’s consciousness and replacing it with venom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Giving Alex a half-hearted greeting and making a joke about how awfully sad the two of them must look together, Karl joins the seminar with a runny nose and overwhelming guilt plaguing his mind. He ends up spending the entire class drawing Nick as he remembers him, with hands full of the cosmos and endless galaxies and eyes brimming with love. A drawing won’t make up for the years of mistakes, but it appeases the nagging voice in Karl’s head, reminding himself that he still cares. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not a bad person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex catches him out of the corner of his eye - Karl knows he does, because he wraps an arm around Karl’s shoulders and gives him a side hug. However, he doesn’t say anything. Alex returns to the lecture with a rehearsed smile rivalling Karl’s own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘At least I’m not alone.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Karl tries to think, but deep down he knows he wouldn’t wish this feeling upon anyone else. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry it's been so long, my motivation took a nose dive. but I'm trying my best &lt;3<br/>ALWAYS BE PLUGGING!!! FIND ME ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM @Bunny_bons</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You're so You.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One phone free day is refreshing. No distractions, no doom-scrolling. But one day is all Karl can take. Every day since then the idea of missing any kind of response from Nick leaves Karl’s stomach churning. It’s a sickening feeling, like the sinking you get in your chest when you narrowly miss a step going down the stairs. Even forgetting it in the other room sends that surge of cold, icy panic up Karl’s spine. It’s getting bad, and he knows it. Especially when someone else’s phone goes off in class, and despite it being an android tone while Karl has an iphone and custom ringtones, he scrambles to check and see the incoming text from Nick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, he is exhausted. Exhausted and somehow still restlessly aching for the connection he used to have with the younger boy. It only intensifies when he remembers that this is all his fault.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s why Alex is sat on Karl’s bed at two in the morning, mindlessly tossing a bouncy ball against the wall. Karl has been situated at his desk for the past few hours, scribbling down notes on a shakespearean tragedy - distraction free, with his phone safely deposited in Alex’s sweatshirt pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Being the great friend he is, Alex noticed his friend’s growing nerves and suffering grades, and offered to help Karl study; which really entailed keeping his iphone captive and eating all of his snacks. But it was working. Karl has his head buried in a book, and neglects to hear the way Alex calls his name, bored and itching for something new to occupy his attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Through a mouthful of cheetos, Alex calls for the third time, “Karl Jacobs!” he shouts, growling with mock frustration. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? What?” Karl perks up, overgrown hair falling into his eyes as he whips his head around to face the other man. The monster by his side doesn’t help with the increasingly clumsy movements and tired limbs, but Karl tries his best to blink away the lines of text still imprinted in his vision all the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just finished replying to your streaks,” Alex says, still crunching on Karl’s food, “someone’s calling now. Nicky with the heart emojis. Who’s that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>A sharp gasp tears from Karl’s throat as he clumsily scrambles out of his desk chair, allowing it to tip over behind him with a thud as he runs to Alex’s side and looks at the caller ID. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>💖Nickyyy💖</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Answer it!” Karl all but screeches, heartbeat thundering in his ears as Alex gives him a look and presses on the green icon. He doesn’t hesitate to put it on speaker.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re both holding their breath as the line crackles. Then, “Dude, Fuck you,” a tired and drawn out voice groans, “fuckin- ‘i miss you!?’ it’s been two years, what the hell does that even mean! You’re so- god I hate you. I hate you and your stupid fucking face, Karl Jacobs. You know that? You suck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looks at Karl with wide eyes, waiting for the sensitive boy to crumble into pieces at those sharp words. In contrast, Karl’s mouth twitches at the corners, fighting to allow a smile to form on his features. The heavy burden on his shoulders begins to lift, because even though he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>how awful he is, it’s Nick. It’s his voice and those words are so unabashedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Karl can’t help but smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karl- like,” the drunken voice starts again, Karl’s eyes welling with overjoyed tears at the way Nick says it- still so gentle and easy- as if he’d never missed a day without Karl’s name on his lips, “I'm so mad. Im so fucking mad-” he says, but his voice says something different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other end of the phone, Nick has tears streaming down his face as he wards off a laugh. He tries to find it in him to really be mad, but all that love for Karl that had to lay dormant for so long. The alcohol in his system has him overflowing with how much he missed Karl, and as much as he wants to be angry, it’s impossible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Across the room, Zak, who is equally as sloshed, gives a thumbs up and a smile. He’s the one who convinced Nick that reconnecting with Karl would feel good, and he was right. Nick’s smile is one Zak has never seen before, brimming with helpless love and a heavy relief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So mad. And like- oh my god are you ever going to say something, or am I just going to sit here looking dumb talking to nobody?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl summons up all his courage and manages to breathe, “I’m here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“KARL!” the Texan cries, voice rasping as he raises it louder than he needed to. A beat of silence passes between all four parties.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Karl and Nick, as if on the same wavelength that they used to call home, begin laughing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl’s eyes sting with tears because this is how they’re meant to be. Together. Smiling. Comfortable. It’s so painfully normal, a temp that Karl slips into easily, despite Nick’s intoxication being something so new and uncomfortable. This is how they’re supposed to be, laughing together at absolutely nothing, chests full of love for one another and an overwhelming sense of </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karl feels himself bursting at the seams to start talking about everything, but it’s late. He has class in the morning and Nick sounds like he needs rest. He needs time to lose the intoxicated drawl, and even more time to collect how he actually feels about Karl. “Nick.. I want to talk real bad, but it’s late… I have class in the morning and I don’t think you’re in your right mind. Can i call back tomorrow?” he asks, anxious hesitation in his words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A voice on Nick’s end crackles in the background, and then a heavy sigh pours through the receiver. “You’ve gotta swear on your life, Jacobs. Don’t make me look stupid again.” He finally says, an overwhelming seriousness in his tone that makes Karl shudder. He feels a pang in his chest, guilt. And then something else. A wave of something tense and hot, screaming for Nick, reaching out desperately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. On my life. I’ll never leave you again.” Karl promises, and he feels it. He feels a powerful wash of obedience seep into his bones and he knows - he knows that if he were to have Nick slip away again, he could never forgive himself. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's been a while! So sorry!!! My motivation really fell off and I've been super stressed due to school and college, but AYE! I'm back! I hope we still care about this story haha. Hopefully longer chapters in the future? we'll see. &lt;3 </p><p> </p><p>(ALSO UHHH MINOR SEXUAL TENSION LOL BUT YALL AINT GETTING MORE THAN TENSION OK BYE)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For updates on stories and announcements related to the stuff goin on here: follow me on twitter @bunny_bons</p><p>For fanart and stuff: follow me on instagram @bunny_bons</p><p>seriously though, on my twitter I talk about updates and upcoming stories and in the future I hope to do polls on story direction or maybe what works I'll be creating next! follow me =w=</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>